WOW [28 Nov 2005|10:40pm] uhhh.. so much has happened. unfortunately, i don't have the time to explain right now. maybe next time, when i have about 3 hours to spend writing an entry. this whole single thing is NOT working out for me. it's not like i haven't had my fun--trust me, i have--but geez.. it gets old after a while. i dunno. i'll update in a week. hopefully things change. post comment

[19 Oct 2005|07:27pm] hahaha. my gosh. my old entries are retarded. nothing's the same. NOTHING. i dunno.. i was bored. post comment

ahhh the rush of sneaking out. [27 Aug 2005|11:31am] [ mood | tired ] sooo long time no nadaaa. i've been hella busy.. i swear i'm just about ready to collapse and sleep forEVAAAAAR! but no seriously, i've been working like crazy these past few weeks.. partly because hollister's just fun and i love it to death, but also because i need the dinero to pay for dance and my phone bill and the gardener (since my brothers decided to pay for the cleaning lady and since my mom wants me to help out with the bills) and put in money for the computer my mom's buying me. UGHHHHH too many bills! but oh well, whatever, working gives me an excuse to be out of my house for long periods of time so i'm not complaining.. much. uhhh we finally opened the store yesterday but sadly i wasn't there for the opening. they opened around 6pm and i got off work at like 2 and had to go to work at juice it up at 3. nikki ray and the rest of the people who worked that night said it was crazy.. so today when i work at 3 it's probably gonna be worse since it's saturday. we'll see. uhhh so yesterday i went to work at hco around 9 and we were in abercrombie helping get that store ready.. talked to rob and scuba steve about rob's party that night.. then miguel a.k.a. hottest guy on the face of the earth came and we talked and he said he wanted me to go so i said i'll see.. made plans with nikki ray for her to sleep over so we could go to the party and then miguel gave me his number so i could get directions from him.. then i left and went to work at juice it up at like 3.. nikki showed up at my work when we were closing and we went to my house after.. blah blah sat around for like ever trying to convince david g. to go to the party too but he didn't wanna drive so he just wanted to meet up.. and i said NOOOOOOO hahah. umm took a shower and got pretty and stuff and just when we were about to freaking leave my house at like midnight, skinny steve calls me up and says the cops broke it up or whatever so they were gonna move it to scuba steve's house.. so i said they better since me and nikki didn't get ready for nothing lol.. so yeah we went and got lost on the way there but finally made it there.. it was basically just a kickback or whatever. it was like.. me, lizzie, 2 of her friends, scuba steve, skinny steve, rob, miguel, and david.. so yeaaaa drank some but since i don't like beer, they gave me some parrot bay.. which i didn't even finish because it was watered down too much lol.. and then we found out skinny steve had hookah in his car so he got that out and we hookah'd.. and just for the record.. HOOKAH IS THE GREATEST THING EVER. lol so yeaaa and we shotgunned. me & miguel, nikki & scuba steve, me & scuba steve, me nikki & scuba steve.. lol HELLA funny since nikki DOES NOT stop laughing lol.. but ummm yeah, miguel is hot and... MISSION ACCOMPLISHED if you get what i'm saying. so yeah me and miguel shotgunned again... "YOUR LIPS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TOUCH!" by scuba steve.. lol. aw melanie will be SO proud of me hahahaha.. but ummm yeah and we hookah'd some more... and got tired.. so me and nikki ray got home like at 4:15am.. and hector effing woke me up this morningggg so that's why i'm writing this.. THE END. post comment

drink drink DRUNK [10 Aug 2005|01:28pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | fall out boy's "from under the cork screw" ] so last night was fun. hangin' with the big boyssss ohhh yeahhh. at least it helped get my mind off of some things. honestly, i just wanna forget everything already. it's so hard. i was reading tin's past entries and i came across one about her friend michelle. sooooo that situation seems awfully familiar? michelle and her bf harvey. long-distance relationship. he broke up with her. tin makes a helllll of a lotta sense when she's mad. and i quote... "how dare you do that to michelle. i know i may have no right to say anything cause i may start being hypocritical. but don't you dare break your promise to michelle like that. how can you tell her that everyday and then suddenly leave her. give up on her. that isn't fair. everybody deserves their chance. if you were planning to leave her, at least you should've seen her one last time. feelings are temporary, i can't believe you made a decision with her not even in front of your face to try and see if it would change your mind. i may break my promises too. but if i truly loved someone, i wouldn't have made such an outlandish decision with the one i love so many miles away, not able to defend themselves. the way i see it is that your acting on your feelings now, and i'm not saying that's not right, because it is, but what if that's only how you feel right now? how sure can you be that you're not going to want her even more when she's standing right in front of you? don't braek up with somebody if you don't even know how you feel when they're next to you. if you really, truly, deeply feel that you still need to leave her when she's right next to you, in front of your face. then maybe you breaking up was for the best. but right now... how can you even be so sure?" 2 comments|post comment

what did ana do this time? [06 Aug 2005|02:26am] [ mood | crushed ] i have so much to say but, for one reason or another, i can't seem to find the right words to express the way i feel. it's hard to keep calm and not cry as i write this but i'll try my best not to get too emotional. i'm at a loss for words, really, i am. my chest feels as if it's about to explode and all day the only thing i've been wanting to do so badly is cry my eyes out. i'm trying my best to be supportive and not be a selfish, controlling bitch but when it hurts so badly to let go of something you love so deeply, it's kinda hard. i never really realized how much i cared about him until i lost him... because i thought he'd always be there no matter what. and have you ever heard of anyone say that if you truly love a person, you'll feel his/her sadness, happiness, anger in you too? well, i felt that with oscar.. i felt happy when he was happy.. i felt sad when he was sad.. angry when he was angry.. but i feel lost now. i'm not exactly sure where i stand because a part of me feels like i should let him go because he has many other priorities that are of greater importance than dealing with a girlfriend who lives 40 miles away. school starts in about a month and it would be a pain in the ass for him to have to make time to see me when he has work and studying to worry about... not to mention his mom.. but then another part of me wants to hold on so badly because he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. no one's ever loved me more and made me feel like i'm worth something. no one's ever made me wanna be a better person and no one's ever taught me the true meaning of love and being in love. everytime i hear anything that reminds me of "us" i just want to drop out of sight because i don't feel like there's a purpose of me being around. for as long as i can remember, i've always had him in my life one way or another but it's hard to deal with the sudden absence. no more late night phone calls; no more asking how each other's day went; no more falling asleep on each other on the phone; no more nothing. i admit i've become dependent on him but who doesn't become dependent eventually? it's like you learn to live with someone you consider so special and all of a sudden they disappear and you're left to adjust the best way you can. i love him so much... words can't even express that.. but if time is what he needs, then i'm willing to give him that. it's the least i can do for all he's given me.. strength when i was weak, reassurance when i was doubtful, courage when i was afraid, and love through thick or thin. post comment

[08 Jul 2005|10:37pm] how fun, that last entry was written like 4 months ago! fast-forward to today... and it's been official for a month. yeaaaaa i love oscar yeaaaaa! 1 comment|post comment

found him. [27 Mar 2005|08:48pm] oscar makes me tres happy. GOOOOOOOOD. where has he been all my life? C0C0 x BEAN: ure like 2 feet tall C0C0 x BEAN: and he's 12 feet C0C0 x BEAN: thats the cutest shittt post comment

[01 Feb 2005|06:00pm] so there's this boy... and i like him. 1 comment|post comment

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